What is bullying? I would truly hope it does not need to be defined at this stage, but I am going to put it in for clarity.
Bullying is defined as actions that seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable.
Coming from a woman who spends just way too much of her time reminding others how to behave in a respectful manner (and also having to remind myself) I am here to tell you that pushing ANY opinion on ANYONE in a bullying way is NOT OK. I will back up a little. I am lucky enough to work in Human Resources. I have a degree, a certificate, 10 plus years of experience and continued training on this and similar topics. I take this pretty seriously.
You will not get the results you want, hate breeds hate. I appreciate things can get heated and passionate, but this past year has shown us all so much humility. I have seen major public figures apologize for simply raising their voices. This should be an example to us all. We need to strive to be better than the things that enrage us.
If you see something you don’t agree within a group or even in person, remember, there are people out there who just do things to stir the pot. Don’t take the bait. I am reminded of a children’s book that I read to my son:
“That’s monkey business. Don’t eat from that tree”
- You’re All Kinds of Wonderful – Nancy Tillman
You know what, they should be removed. Don’t get yourself removed by overreacting. Plea your case in a respectful manner. One person very, very rarely speaks for the whole and when someone comes in just to create chaos they thrive on getting others wound up. And if you do not feel able to speak respectfully at that moment, step away and come back or let someone else handle it. There is no need to lower yourself.
Here’s a great example for you, I am part of an online group of like-minded spiritual individuals who often have liberal views. Recently, someone came in and stated boldly that since we did not have a statement on our main page indicating we were not racist, we obviously were all racists. I am sorry but WHAT?!?
It’s in the group rules; it’s part of our collective code as religious/spiritual people and holy cow, what a bad way to approach it if you wanted to change in your favour…
This person could have said “I would like to see us as a group make a statement about X” or “I have some suggestions on how to write a statement about X, I think it’s a good direction for this group” but instead they walked in and blanketed everyone racists.
Now, here’s the important part…. for some people, it just rolls off their backs. Others will spend a day or two reflecting and move on but for some, THIS WAS GREATLY DAMAGING. THIS HURT PEOPLE WHO WERENT DOING ANYTHING WRONG TO BEGIN WITH and that, I cannot abide. In a world where there is already so much hate and guilt and mental health is at an all-time low with a global pandemic, why would you just blanket attack someone who did nothing wrong?
The individual in question was removed and it prompted us to review some of the group practice. The long and short is that even if you are making a good point, you can’t go about it in a rude/offensive way. Not only because it probably won’t get you what you want in the long run but also because in an effort to create a better world you should know bullying is just WRONG.